On Reflection... Prior the performance

On Reflection of the professional drama practice I feel disheartened about the whole process. I feel that a lot of time has been wasted on warm ups, such as plastics and yoga positions, which in reality have no meaning towards this play. I understand that Michael has chosen to move in the direction of Grotowski’s style play, however as a class I do feel this is a little far fetched. I believe that in order to reach a point of Grotowski’s work, one must experience and encounter an understanding of deeper emotion towards any subject that is being worked on. This is a terrible flaw that has only now, after two weeks of preparation and rehearsals, has been acknowledged by myself. I feel like this project has not been thought about enough in relation to an actor and an audience. I find myself questioning Michael, for he wrote this play, that he describes as Jews fighting for Hitler, Jews against Jews, which to me is a massive statement that wasn’t even discussed emotionally. There has not been a single conversation/discussion about justification on the subject, and as a class we have not connected together on this intense, hard-hitting historical event. I ask myself, why did Michael write this? Did he write it to teach his actors and his audience something? For if that was his purpose, I believe there has been a lack of realisation and individual personal connection to the play by the class, which is not the classes fault, it’s the directors and creators of the play’s mistake, as there has not been one single discussion about characters, emotional depth or any true understanding of the subject. There are so many ‘ways in’ to connect to this subject, even if you are not Jewish, there will always be a way to reach this hard-hitting emotion, of what the Jews went through. This is not just about Jews, it’s a bout how the human race and everyone can relate to it, in one way or another if they are shown, which unfortunately was forgotten about. Which leads me to reflect on the audience and their experience of the play, will the spectator really have a ‘real’ sense and understanding of what went on in these Camps if the actor doesn’t understand and connect fully? I believe that in order to write a play, the message must be clear to everyone not just the writer; and I feel that Michael might of written this for himself without realising as it has been proven that he has forgotten about the main purpose of art and theatre. His research may be accurate and true, but the teaching hasn’t been true to the subject for an actor on an emotion level. I also feel that Jon as a director also has forgotten about reinforcing the emotional aspect for the actor, for he has not once commented on how we should speak our lines and project our emotions, and asking us, why are feeling these emotions? Perhaps this is because he may not connect to the play and lacks passion for the subject. Which in reflection is a great shame and loss as it’s uninspiring to a bunch of young adults who may know very little about the Holocaust, or perhaps have taken little time to truly feel an emotion for what really happened back then. When I hear people speak their lines, I feel like they are empty or forced, this is not the actors fault, for they are only young students who merely know as much as a teacher, which I believe gets forgotten about. Being Jewish myself and also being older than my class mates I can relate to this subject, and today I find myself after two weeks of these rehearsals waking up crying about what really happened in Auschwitz and in other camps, I think about my Grandma and her family that died during this horrendous time, and for me to start crying and feeling something, I can’t ever imagine what it really felt like to be in those camps, and as Sabrina say’s in her speech ‘licking urine off the walls in order to stay alive’, (which unfortunately isn’t been projected perfectly due to lack of emotional reinforcement that should be provided by the directors) this line is so hard-hitting, that when I truly think about it makes it hard for me to breathe, I feel so ashamed and disrespectful that I have only now reached this point, and that I didn’t bring this up earlier and tell Michael how important it is for the actors to really relate to this like I do, in their individual way. Part of me feels like I don’t even want to perform this show, but as a professional of course I will. I do feel proud that I have reached this point, but feel sad that this show is now looking to be quite surfaced and a little bit throw away, as we didn’t get a chance to fully connect as a class and a bunch of professional actors performing a piece of theatre about the Holocaust.
Through this I have learnt that if I was to direct a play, the first and most important thing I would do is discuss the emotional connection to the subject, perhaps watch a film together as group and a build a sense of unity in relation to the project to create a deeper performance, which will please an audience and allow the spectator to gain a further emotional connection through the actors that truly feel something real.