After feeling so disheartened, it became clear to me that with all my intense emotions being built up, the only way to win in a situation like this was to put in every single piece of emotion into my performance... So I did!
Looking back at my rehearsals, I was very frustrated and felt unmotivated during this time, on reflection perhaps this was to do with me not mentally being able to channel my emotions into this play for the subject was far too hard hitting for me to reach. Having not being shown as a class a 'way in' made me feel unconnected to my fellow classmates, which frustrated me. However I have come to realise that although everyone wasn't fully aware of the subject, we still performed our best yet, and I felt very proud. I also felt justification and it made me proud to show a glimpse of what really happened during the Holocaust and to the Jewish people. It made me understand that this play did illustrate this horrific time in an important way, for to give a spectator any experience of what happened, what best way could be done than to throw an audience in from the beginning. The way the audience was led in by James and Cassie who played the Nazi soldiers was powerful, ordering the audience to sit in an abrupt way made them feel instantly uncomfortable. The theatre was also cold which made things worse. I asked my Mother how she felt after viewing the performance, and she said, “Why are you doing this?” with the response of my boyfriend Ben saying, “It’s important”
Those two reactions said so much; my Mother felt like it was too painful to watch to the point of getting frustrated as to questioning, why put this play on? With the response of my boyfriend reminding her that people need to remember what happened not so long ago, this sad humiliation on humanity.
Through all this I gained so much appreciation to the Jewish people, being Jewish myself, this truly struck a chord inside of my soul and I became suddenly enlightened the next day. It’s also made me understand that through any role I play, I need to be %100 committed. This isn’t easy. I have come to realise how important acting is, reliving history is imperative, and to give to an audience will only fulfil to a greater level. However to reach this point of understanding takes time and the only way to get to this level, is to go through it. From my experience of this performance, I totally went through, and now have come out the other end, I feel revitalised, and I feel proud and honest, and true to what I performed. I embraced every second of it. I’m sure this will be one of the most difficult subjects for me to reach, but having reached this, I feel strong. I’m not sure how many times I could perform a show like this, and that makes me appreciate actors even more. There are so many hard hitting subjects to reach, and for those that do reach and perform them to people, be it on screen or on the theatre, what we must remember is that, if we as an audience feel, then the actor will feel if so a greater deal more. To re-live that feeling again and again is astounding and extremely difficult. I would love to deep down try and challenge myself again and again, though only time will tell as to whether this opportunity will rise once more during my life… Let’s hope.
Below are a few images of the live performance, performed at the Arts Depot.
This is a good read Kate. You have to write it all up in your 2000 word report! I think you have good insight into how the piece was transformed in front of the audience. You also give a good account of what happened during your process. I think that some of the reasons why are not as clear and you should do more thinking on that. Go back to Towards a Poor Theatre. Use the experience of performing twice in one night to better understand the role of a performer within a company. This is a very different sort of devising to the last piece - you essentially were being directed, as actors, in a written play. Reflect on how you approached your role as an actor and what you learned from the experience. How would have altered your approach to rehearsal following your good feedback post-performance?
ReplyDeleteSpeak to me if you need to.